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Managing Separation Anxiety and Sleep: Gentle Strategies for 10 - 18 Month Olds

Separation anxiety is a common and natural part of your baby’s emotional and cognitive development, particularly in the 10 to 18 month age range. While this phase can bring challenges, especially when it comes to sleep, it is a reassuring sign that your child is forming secure attachments. That said, when your baby struggles with sleep due to separation anxiety, it can lead to exhaustion and frustration for both of you. Fortunately, there are gentle, evidence-based strategies to help you manage this phase and ensure restful nights.



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What is Separation Anxiety in Babies?


Between the ages of 10 and 18 months, babies begin to understand that they are separate individuals from their caregivers. This newfound awareness, while exciting, can lead to distress when their parent or caregiver leaves, even briefly.


According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), separation anxiety typically peaks between 10 and 18 months. Research also shows that about 50-60% of babies experience some form of separation anxiety during this developmental window.


The anxiety often shows up during bedtime or naps, as these are moments when your baby is most vulnerable and likely to be without your comforting presence. Understanding the biological and emotional roots of this behaviour can help you approach it with empathy and patience, setting the stage for more peaceful nights.



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1. Establish a Predictable Bedtime Routine


One of the most effective ways to ease separation anxiety at bedtime is by creating a predictable and soothing bedtime routine. Research shows that babies who follow a consistent bedtime routine fall asleep faster and wake less during the night. A calming sequence of events can help your little one feel secure, as they learn to predict the steps leading up to sleep.


Choose activities that calm your baby, such as a warm bath, gentle massage, soft lullabies, or reading a quiet book together. By consistently following the same steps each evening, you create a predictable environment that signals to your baby that it’s time for sleep, reducing their anxiety when you’re not present.


2. The Gradual Separation Technique


Research in developmental psychology supports a gradual approach to managing separation anxiety, sometimes referred to as "graduated extinction" or "The Gentle Sleep Approach." Rather than leaving your baby alone to cry it out, this method involves gradually increasing the distance between you and your child as they fall asleep.


Start by sitting next to your baby's cot while they settle. Over the course of several nights, slowly move farther away until you're able to leave the room with minimal protest. A study published in Pediatrics found that this gradual method significantly reduces nighttime waking and improves sleep quality for both baby and parent. The key is to offer calm reassurance while allowing your child to develop the skills to settle on their own.


3. Comfort Objects: A Research-Backed Strategy


Introducing a comfort object, such as a soft toy or blanket, can also ease your baby’s separation anxiety at night. Comfort objects, also known as transitional objects, serve as a soothing presence when you're not there. According to the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, using a comfort object can help babies develop emotional resilience and reduce anxiety during times of separation.

Choose something safe, like a small blanket or soft toy that your baby can associate with security. By offering this item during naps and at bedtime, you help bridge the emotional gap caused by your absence. Make sure the comfort object smells like you by keeping it close for a few hours beforehand, which can further reassure your baby.



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The Science Behind Separation Anxiety


Understanding the science behind your baby’s separation anxiety can help you manage it with compassion. At this stage, your baby is experiencing major cognitive development, including a newfound awareness of object permanence. Before this age, when you left the room, your baby didn’t fully understand that you still existed outside their sight. Now, they know you’re somewhere else, and they miss you.

Studies show that babies around 10 months old begin to understand object permanence, and this is when separation anxiety tends to peak. It's a healthy sign of development, but it can disrupt sleep as your baby struggles with the idea of being apart from you. A 2019 study from the Child Development Research journal found that as babies develop object permanence, they also become more capable of experiencing separation anxiety, especially during bedtime.


Remember


Separation anxiety is a normal phase, but it can still be challenging, especially at bedtime. By using a consistent bedtime routine, gradually teaching your baby to fall asleep on their own, and introducing comforting sleep associations, you can help ease their anxiety and create a calmer sleep environment. Remember, patience and consistency are key during this stage.


If you're struggling with nap transitions or finding the right sleep routine, download our free Nap Transition Guide for evidence-based tips on helping your little one through these changes. And for ongoing support, don’t hesitate to join our free group, where we dive deeper into sleep topics and provide a supportive space for parents just like you.

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